You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
