the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
