glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
