Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
