the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
