I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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