New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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