Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I just sharted jello shots
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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