Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
