Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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