I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
