I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
