I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
