I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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