You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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