So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am available for nakedness
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
