happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it glows. i had to have it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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