Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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