I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
