I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
