i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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