And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
