im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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