k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
