you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
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I cut my penus on the lid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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