Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
