Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
