some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
