Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
