Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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