This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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