saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need water and some morals
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
