If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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