I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize