Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
