yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
