i think i have herpe
just one?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
