So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
