New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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