The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
