I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
