he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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