U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
