Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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