I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
