I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He has the fingertips of a God
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