My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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