I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
