you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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