oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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