remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
