You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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