After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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