Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
