No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
