Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
