Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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