Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
