Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think my moral compass just broke
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
