My first STD was from a foam party
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
