MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FUCK WHALES
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
