We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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