i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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