Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
