Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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