matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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